So, this is the shortest version of our Journey to Noah that I could do, sorry it's so long, but it really was a long road to get here......
When Nasser and I got married, I never thought I would have any problem getting pregnant. So, like the control junky I am, I made sure we did everything I could to prevent that from happening. After three years of marriage we decided it was time to expand our family. I got off birth control and amazingly three months later we were pregnant. We were so excited and of course I had everything all planned out. Our baby's due date was October 31 and I was already looking at baby Halloween costumes. At 7 weeks I miscarried. I was really sad but I wouldn't say I was devastated. I figured it happened so easy, so it will happen again and all of this pain will go away. Of course it didn't happen quickly. As each month passed by I sank further into a depression. After 10 months all I could think about was getting pregnant, and what I had lost. One day when I was talking to my mom she advised me to ask someone that I knew really loved God and ask her to lay hands on me and pray with me. So I went to Cindy Halstead. I know that she loves Jesus and is one of the most prayerful people I know. She and her husband Bruce laid hands on me and prayed for my future child. After leaving her house I felt a peace that I hadn't felt in a long time. Three months later I was pregnant with Kadyn. I was so full of joy, to God be the glory!
I was the happiest, fattest pregnant lady
Our sweet baby girl Kadyn Grace
The Spark to Adopt
When Kadyn was 9 months old, I found out I was pregnant again and the following day I miscarried again. This was an unexpected pregnancy, but it really boosted us to start trying again for another baby. We figured it would probably be a long road, so we might as well get started. Once again we prayed with Bruce and Cindy, but God had a very different answer for us this time. To make a long story short; we had one failed IUI, one failed IVF another miscarriage with IVF and an ectopic pregnancy with the result of an emergency surgery to remove my left tube. This within a year and a half. I was completely done, emotionally, physically and my heart was broken. This was too much loss to bare. The part that I am leaving out is Ethiopia.
In the midst of all of this fertility, God put Ethiopia in my heart. I was sitting at a park one day with my little girl and I see this sweet white family with their beautiful little Ethiopian two year old little boy. Clearly he was adopted. I
remember my heart started pounding and I just thought to myself, I can do that. I can totally see my family looking like that. I started praying and asking God is this what you want me to do? So, I walked up to the mom of that family cause she was reading the same bible study book that I was about to start attending. I needed a reason to talk to her cause I needed some information about this adoption thing. She was so kind and shared her story. We exchanged information, and wouldn't you know it, we were going to be in the same bible study together, lived on the same street, had friends in common and our kids went to the same pre-school. Coincidence? No, just God working. Her name is Heidi, she is now a very good friend of mine and her little guy Jonas sparked this passion in my heart to adopt. Without her I would be lost in the process, I am eternally grateful.
Heidi and her family
Just because I felt the spark didn't mean my husband was on board yet. So, I came home from the park and asked Nasser to please hear me out without saying no. I told him the whole story and pulled up Heidi's blog and showed him pictures of Jonas and of other Ethiopian children that were adopted. I could tell he wasn't really interested in what I was saying, so I had to stop pushing and just put it into God's hands to change Nasser's heart. Praise God, all it took was a few months and meeting Jonas and another friend's little boy Haben and Nasser was all in. Of course his biggest fear and mine too was could we love another child that wasn't biological as much as we love our Kadyn. When it came down to it, what made us see that we could, was our friends' kids. We live in a close knit community in Orlando. Pretty much all of our friends have kids and we do stuff together all of the time. If something were to happen to any of our friends, we would have taken their kids in and love them like our own without fail. Once we realized we would be willing to do that, how could we not love a sweet innocent child who has no one to care for them. It is a privilege that God has called us to such an honor.
Getting back to Ethiopia, it seemed like everyday I was meeting people who have adopted from Ethiopia, I was being invited to raise money for events that would benefit children there, and even my mom was feeling the Lord put Ethiopia on her heart. One friend in particular that really made an impact was Jessica Irvin. She is the girl that I just traveled with to Ethiopia with a couple of weeks ago. Before I knew her, I was invited to a One Purse event to raise money to build a well for Trees of Glory. (who knew that a year and half later I would be visiting there myself) Jessica has three biological children and four adopted children from Ethiopia. After listening to her tell her story and how God provided for each of those children's adoptions, and how He had put such a love for Ethiopia in her heart. I was so awe struck by her faith. She is my age and has this beautiful family that God sewed together. I desired faith like hers and a willingness to do what He wanted.
Jessica and Nick's kids in Orlando
#7 Eli Tesfa in Ethiopia
Beginning the Adoption Process
After that fundraiser I went home and told Nasser about it. I asked for a timeline. When can we start our adoption? I am crazy like that and a little pushy. I wanted to start the process like yesterday! We were still doing fertility treatments at that time, so Nasser said that if we were not pregnant by December we would start the paperwork. Wouldn't you know that after a miscarriage from IVF that we found out that we were pregnant November 29, 2011. Well, surely this was a sign fro God that we are supposed to wait another year to adopt. But, By December 1 we were told that the pregnancy was not going to be viable, and it eventually turned into an ruptured ectopic pregnancy where I had to have an emergency surgery and my left fallopian tube was removed. So I already had fertility issues and now I am even less fertile than I was to start. Now I can't pretend to really know what God was doing when He allowed that to happen, but this is what I gleaned from the situation. I believe that He wanted this adoption to be clearly from Him, and for me to stop trying to get pregnant, stop trying to control the situation, stop obsessing over pregnancy, stop being jealous of my friends who had lots of kids, just to stop, and simply be. I needed a time out. I had hit a wall and I finally surrendered to God.
Nasser and I quickly filled out our paper work and had it all turned in by January 7, 2012. We decided to request a boy 0-6 months old. Nasser always loved the name Noah, and now we just had to sit and wait for a phone call to tell us we had a referral. We received our referral on May 3. Again it was not exactly what we expected. The agency called us and told us that that they had 11 month old baby and would we like to see his picture and read his story. For a few minutes I was not sure what to do, we had said we wanted a baby all of this time. By the time we would get this child home, he would be almost 2. Would we be able to bond with him? What should we do? Before Nasser and I opened up the email with the pictures, we prayed. We asked that God would without a doubt let us know if this was our baby. We opened his picture and this was the most beautiful baby boy, and what is crazy, is his resemblance to Nasser. All of our friends and family could not get over how much this baby looked like Nasser and Kadyn. Of course I'm still the odd man out, ha!
And I just need a moment here to say, speaking of friends and fanily.... I have the best! We have been loved and cared for so well, I don't know how I would have got through it all with out my girls and my family. Love you all!!! ok, back to our story.....So we said
Yes! It was such a beautiful day and I have never had such clarity about a decision in all of my life. I dream of the day when my family of four can all be together, doing normal things that families do like, eating dinner, play games, going swimming. For all of the crap I had to go through, I wouldn't change a thing because it is what brought Noah to our lives, and awakened our heart for Africa.
Until he comes home we are a family in waiting.....
